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Father, you came to her that night

words – dream-scrambled, unrecalled

apart from melody of ending, from beyond

all opening of death

 

“Now I am biting the void,” you said,

“Now I am biting the void.”

 

and so we became sisters, the void and I.

In laughter and dance,

swirling in mockery of life and love

believing in himself too much

shaking and trembling in his rhythms

as if we could empty them all-

laughing at Eden, because that promised,

ever-so-fertile land

has blood-stained walls.

 

So here we dance, oh kinder king,

Embracing voidity naked, and finding ourselves

frontier-less, nothing,

allowing creation itself.

 

Indeed, God himself asked space

to twitch his face and

laugh at pure reflection.

 

Come to me void, my oldest love,

– let me dissipate

and expand through you,

walking through those holy walls dividing

what is and what is not

Let me welcome the night and the promise

of becoming

…or not.

 

Dance with me void, through me, in me

until infinity itself collapses

and we go behind

the first point

of life expanding,

forever abandoning itself,

as being confused in unbeing

sprays gray space of arriving

bliss.

D(R)EAD

 

From an unanchored shadow

over there, under a tree in the school-yard

caught lurking in the corner of an eye

I heard it said

that you want me dead.

 

Always one to comply,

your prize will be delivered,

this day, or another,

my body a fool’s gold

to fill an eternal void.

 

Yet the light whispering on wet leaves told

that you yourself died long ago

deep inside, it has long been lame and cold,

unnoticed even in passing

and tragically unmourned.

 

When did it happen, that secret death?

Was I away with the kids?

Or too lost in love of being

to see that you had gone?

 

A death like no mortal course –

a rupture of soul from source

of word from meaning

of man from feeling

as the void empties spaces

where other humans live.

 

Leaving a body that stalks the courts

repeating words spieled out

long ago in random sequence

squealing vengeance at life itself.

 

 

After you have accessed Eden, yet you will still face the same issues of physical life – all that stuff which is on your plate including your own physical body, and its demise and death.

In accessing eternal life, you still be miserably mortal.

If you are lucky you will die, over and over, moment by moment.

But the fear will be weaker, and the unconditional love strong.

When the inner doors to Eden are opened, the “and-and”- the great task of integration – begins.

In this, we truly begin our mission as humans – to bring heaven to earth and earth to heaven – letting the blissful light of the universe kiss and awaken every dead, abandoned, infertile and frozen part of who we are.

When the doors to Eden are opened, the real work begins – the work integration, transformation and creation – as we take up the luggage of this and other lives and continue on our way,  both in and out of Eden, moment by moment.

 

I stand near the ocean where builders are free

based on thoughts of you, this rhythm, the sea
and the quietest dripping within, like ice-bergs
softly melting or juttings of rock eroding
as anger submits to sprays of fear
and old storms leave
sea-face still as a mirror,
and undercurrents of love and grief
follow mystery of this moon
that lets cooler light fall
through difference in one soul
and the next…
as various as these shells
whole and broken,
heaped in wandering lines
by the tides.

knowing these sapphire depths
unasking
divide in rivers and deltas
and raindrops and
steam of passionate loss
and tears falling again
so fertile,

as gentle waves like mothers’ hands
wash sand from aching feet
whose footprints traced your ways.

And I feel you playing
with these little toes,
always curled within themselves-
and after birth
when they were just a longing
to belong, you counted
each one to see that there were ten.

 

In and Out

So much of our thought patterns and experience are programmed in patterns of “either-or”.

Either we are happy or we are sad. Our partner is either with us or against us. We are generous or mean, clever or stupid, relaxed or uptight. The “either-or” mind-set holds us in a strict state of limitation in which experience – often dictated by the mind – becomes two-dimensional.

“Either-or” is an immature position of mental consciousness in which we have lost the ability to really attend to our senses and to expand into experience.

It is the attitude of Satan when he found himself separated from the light (yet made of the same light) and thus declared: “it’s either God or Me”.

Within “either-or” attitudes is embedded the toxic belief that in order for me to exist, I must exclude the existence of others.

“Either-or” generates the suffering of competition, jealousy and hatred.

It can begin with a nation, narrow down to a particular political party or cultural sub-group, narrow still further into families, and still further to the competing lonely individuals within an individual family. As with the World Wars, the outcome of an existential fight of “either-or” is always lose-lose.

And in the inner world, we cause great shrinkage to ourselves with the “either-or” activity of the ego.  We build our identity on narrow margins that exclude whole aspects of creation. “I am never angry”. (Never?). “I am a generous person” (but sometimes I need to be say “no”?)

The personality is only really free when it is of service to the soul.

Then we can be all things, according to the need that presents: angry, generous, mean, virgin, whore, criminal, perfect citizen.

As with the mind, so with feeling. Anyone who has lost a loved one will recognize the many colors of grief. We are angry and peaceful, sad but also deeply moved in a way which is almost pleasurable. We can be in fear and in trust, in supreme strength, at the same time as utterly helpless. We can love the person beyond limits, and yet hate them for leaving us. We can feel blessed with how things went, and yet a profound guilt and shame in bereavement.

Spiritual maturity that lives with a perpetual loyalty to the here-and-now will develop thought patterns and expression that allow the “and-and”. You are absolutely right. And also she, who totally opposes you, is right. It allows multiple perspectives and the coexistence of incompatible feelings.

As such, life becomes a much wider playing field – a kind of poetry in which the mind follows experience and tries to explain what is going on moment by moment, even developing an ability to contemplate on its own activity.  Even developing an aptitude for just being quiet – stillness.

Sanity is not when the mind decides what experience should be artificially created, and where, when and how. Sanity is when the mind is a tool to describe direct perception.

And so with Eden.

In opening the doors to the inner Eden, you will not be moving into a state of aloof enlightenment or liberation, where the sorrows of the world are left behind. Eden will absorb you and then send you rocketing back into the very place you started. Only then, to doors to Eden remain open, and you will be observing life with a sharper, clearer and much more inclusive light.

In blending with the walls of Eden you are moving out of the “either-or”, heaven-or-hell polarity and into the “and-and”. You will be in this world and you will be of it. Change then begins to occur as old ways of thinking fall away, from the inside-out.

Where once there was the curse of original sin – the shame, the suffering, labor and death – there is opened also the truth that we are people of Eden, nurtured by the tree of life. In our inner world, we are always home at the heart of Eden, and we are also always outcasts in the wilderness, playing our role in the great learning ground which is creation.

The great tragedy is that as people we have learned to remember only the curse of the banishment from Eden, and not the blessing of Eden itself. We chose to build our culture on the basis of suffering, and to exclude ourselves from the bliss.

But it is not “either-or”. It is “and-and”.

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